February 27

My grandfather died last week and I had a very difficult week. It’s hard to believe I’ll never see him again. He was such a sweet, gentle person and I always had fun just sitting around talking to him, looking at National Geographics, watching the sunset, and eating chili lunches at the Silver Lounge. I feel so far from my family right now. It was tough to miss the funeral and to miss the chance to say goodbye together with the family while sharing our memories of Grandad. I guess the most important thing is that I got to spend a lot of quality time with him while he was alive. I was lucky to live near him, and to have so many years to enjoy his company. I didn’t have as much time with my other grandparents. I’ll miss you, Grandad! Goodbye.

I was very depressed by the end of the week, but we got together with friends who were very supportive, and we spent the weekend in a beautiful place. We went camping on the Kunene River near Ruacana Falls. It was hilly, with mopane savannah along the banks of the river. Although it was hot, I didn’t swim because there are crocodiles and hippos in the river. There was a huge tree between our campsite and the river, with exposed roots that made a great chair. At the time of Grandad’s funeral in Massachusetts, I was sitting on the tree roots, looking out over the river. My friends gave me some privacy and I quietly did my own little funeral for Grandad, to try to say goodbye. I’m still sad but I feel calmer now.

My job has been extremely challenging lately too, but I’ll save the details for e-mail.